top 10 ways to get fired

1. When your boss enters your office while you are on the phone, quickly wrap up the call with, “I'm gonna have to call you later. The J - E - W is back.”

2. Take whatever money you have in your pocket and make B&W copies of the bills on the office copy machine while laughing manically and repeating, “It’s too fucking easy…”

3. If someone tries soliciting candy for one of their kid's fund raising endeavors, just tell them the following, "No thanks, but have your kid talk to me if they want to make some "REAL money."  Then just sit there rubbing your lap over and over smiling.  

4. For your boss' birthday get him a cake that reads, "Happy Birthday Dick." Explain that it was a mix up at the bakery. Then write "Happy Birthday Dick" on his card.